When you're multiple, this is a phrase you hear thrown around a lot. I'm sure it's something you have said or thought about as well. And it should be easy to rebuttal. But it's nearly never as easy as just saying "no." So why is this specific phrase thrown around so much? Well, people don't often mean it the way they think they do.
Now hear me out! Nearly everyone experiences self-doubt, and for plural people especially, I’d say the feelings double. It's not a common experience, and it's hard to wrap your head around. But when systems in the plural community throw out the phrase, "What if I'm faking it?" What they're saying is either
Now, none of these options are bad things to think or say. Self-doubt is normal, but I'd like to spend this essay exploring these main ideas and countering or coping with them.
* If you're using this document as a personal reference, do a quick check. Are we having these thoughts in a weird headspace? Is it late? Did we go through something difficult lately? Did we split a new alter? Are we dissociated?
Periods of stress can bring about blurring. Being blurry can feel like being multiple people at once, or no one at all. Being blurry can amplify feelings of unreality, after all, it's hard to feel fake when you're 100% sure you’re you, and you can feel lines between your different headmates. If you find yourself feeling this way, take a moment to ground yourself before continuing.
It’s important to note that you cannot unconsciously fake a disorder. By definition, it's just not possible. Faking is a choice. Unless you woke up one day and said, "I’m going to fake being multiple for the rest of my life for personal benefit"... You’re not faking. You would know, And you wouldn't feel guilty.
And if you're still worried, faking requires a motive, meaning that once the person doing it stops achieving the required effects, they’ll move on to another condition. So if someone fakes having an alter to absolve themselves from blame, if others don't let that slide, they'll give up and switch gears.
Also, never trust anything that says they know "signs of faking." These are frequently normal system experiences.
In this community, we all have varying experiences. Much like fingerprints, no two systems are the same. And while this brings us a lot of variety, it can also be very isolating. However, it's likely that many other systems you know share your sentiments. Hit up some of your system friends, if you have any, and talk to them about your doubts. Have people you can fall back on.
If you have nobody you can reach, here's your validation. However your system functions, however it works, it’s completely okay. Yes, even those parts you're thinking of now. Yes, even the parts other people have called fake before. It's okay. What matters is that you're all happy.
Before we get started, I want to clarify that since I have DID, our way of self-reassurance will be different from an Endogenic system. However, I tried to make this document as accessible as possible. and keep an open mind. Go on knowing that you might be wrong but that you might also be right.
Now, let’s take the bandage off. What if you are truly wrong? What if you aren't a system? How do you tell? Take a pause and go back to "the basics'' Read websites about the fundamentals of the condition and/or go check out some resources or old websites talking about your system structure. Take in information like it was your first day learning you were multiple. In this moment of doubt, find joy in learning again.
And while I recommend looking at resources, I also recommend not using social media websites such as Tumblr, Twitter, or TikTok as resources. Not because I think either site is bad, but because the communities on those sites tend to use their own experiences as fact, and you should not be comparing yourself to others at this time.
At the end of the day, I can't tell you if you're real or not. But the point is to get you in the mindset of when you were first learning and discovering yourself.
So, What do you do if you think you're fake… a lot? I have a pro tip for you. So, create a document in Google Docs, Notion, or wherever you find it easiest to access. This is going to be your "reassurance document." Now, write down every reason your brain says you're faking. Now, write down a counterargument after it. I suggest your counterargument be rooted in logic and facts. Personally, I love poking fun at the thought as well. Whatever helps you the most is fine, but the point of this is to have something to refer to in the future whenever you doubt yourself.
So, are you faking? I don't know! but probably not. That's something only you can figure out for yourselves, and the point of this paper is to help you better equip yourself to handle these thoughts and feelings. Self-doubt is normal, but that doesn't mean it's inherently true.
Written by Jasper, Edited and completed by Alan, November 25, 2022.